My engineering team

I'm on an engineering design, build, test team. I really enjoy the work but going to team meetings every week is so hard. It was hard last year when I had a really good friend with me on the team and no one was looking to me for answers. This year my friend quit and I'm one of two people who have any experience with the team and competition so even one of the co-leaders keeps looking to me to know what to do. I don't know if I should stay on the team (it's really good for my resume and I really did enjoy the competition and work) or quit (since before any of the rewards I have to deal with social aspects that are kind of paralyzingly terrifying). Quitting makes me feel like I'm harming my recovery, though. But staying condemns me to 10 months of paralyzing fear and guilt associated with the times I will give in to that fear and call in sick. And I already know the fear won't go away until we're actually at the competition because that's the only time we're together enough to socialize much.

And I have a meeting in 20 minutes and I'm still in my pjs and I'm writing here and I'd rather watch a video buffer than go. But I said I was sick last week so I think I need to make a real decision about if I'm going to quit or just go today.

Yeah this is just rambling... I think I made a decision even though I'm really not in a state to make decisions. I don't even know why I'm hitting 'send' on this other than that these forums are too quiet and my anxiety is being loud enough for this to not even be more than an itty bitty blip on its radar.

I haven't been on this site since, like you said, this forum is much too quiet. I feel bad, though, since its intentions are sound and I relate with a lot of people who post. I hope this site seriously lifts off soon, so that there will be a solid community in which we can all discuss our problems with more than just a couple of replies of advice. In the General Discussions box on Idea Chatting, me and Dominique (domsy95) proposed that we should organize specific days with which we choose to have group and or private chats revolving around social anxiety.
At any rate, I don't think you should quit, as it will further hinder your social development. Easier said than done, I know, but it has got to be faced eventually. I'm a complete hypocrite, though, because I'm too afraid to to continue schooling because of my anxiety (and I can't afford it). I hope you will be able to find a way to relieve your paralyzing fear.

I'm actually on here a lot, hoping someone has posted. I'm trying to gather the resolve to post more even if I feel like I'm blathering endlessly about myself - just to get the ball rolling and hope other people start posting about themselves so I'm not talking about me all the time.

I already quit the team - I couldn't go on Saturday and I sent the text quitting either before or immediately after posting the original post. I figure I'm on other teams, in other clubs, have other social outlets, the means to increase my engagements if my schedule proves too open and that the extent of the fear is specific to that one team since it's 10 months of working with people I don't know well at all and trying not to tread on their toes but also trying to get the project done. It truly is a shame I felt it necessary to quit but my rationalizing is keeping me happy for now.

I think it's totally fine giving advice on things you're too anxious to do yourself. Like... you can see clear as day what you should do but there's the anxiety (and sometimes outside situations) holding you back from doing it. It's right there but you can't do it and it hurts that you can't do it and you hope to at least help other people to do what you can't. Or at least that's been my experience. Anyway, I hope you eventually are in the financial and mental position to go back to school.

It may be a shame that you had to quit due to social reasons, but it was causing unnecessary stress. Well, at least quitting one out of an entire list of groups won't hinder you socially, I think quitting was a good idea. However, had that been your primary social outlet, I would have not been comfortable supporting your decision in the end.
Thank you for sharing, I quite enjoy reading other people's problems, as strange as that may seem. I'm glad at least a few of us like being on here, it's a great opportunity to get things off one's chest, that needs to be spread.