Just stuff

Well, hi.
I have always been kind of socially awkward and "weird", and realised it. But over the last seven or eight months it seems to have progressed to the point where I cannot even talk to customers at work. I work t a fast food restaurant, and would often work doing the drive thru station. I have always been one of the best in my store at drive thru and would always be stationed on it. At times I would find it stressful, but at the end of the dy I had managed to get through the yelling customers and numerous noises going on around me. I have also had a stutter for quite a few years, which gets worse and better randomly; some days I can converse easily, other days I can hardly speak. Recently, I would begin to freak out if a customer complained that an order was wrong or that it was taking too long. The "before severe anxiety" me would be like "sorry I'll get that re-made for you" or "I'm really sorry your order will be out in a moment and I'll chuck in extra fries for the wait", but now all I do is freeze up and run to the manager who has to come and explain the situation.

Anyways, about 3 weeks ago, I was working, doing my normal open shift (start 5am), in which I was on a burger room station for the first few hours. I was fine with this and didn't have to talk to customers. Suddenly, a wild district manager appeared! and the shift manager used "You are now doing drive-thru" attack! I obliged, as the manager, who was covering drive-thru, was not supposed to be on a station. But as soon as I put on the headset, I began to feel really nauseous and had a lot of trouble breathing. I pushed through, trying to go cutomer by customer, but was freaking out more and more. It got to the point where I couldn't answer a simple question from the customer at the speaker box, and informed the manager that I couldn't do it anymore and began to cry. She knew I didn't like the headset and saw I was upset and told me to give the headset to another crew member. As soon as the other crew member had it, I ran out the back into the staff change rooms and fell onto the floor crying. I was struggling to breathe and was freaking out, thinking that all my work mates must think I am a freak and a pain in the arse for doing this cause it was in the middle of a lunch rush. Shortly after collapsing on the floor I blacked out and came to an hour and a half later, at which I wandered light headedly out to the managers desk, which gave her a shock. She said she had sent one of the burger room crew to check if I was out back, but the only checked the main staff room, not the change room, and assumed I had simply left. after explaining my recent anxiety problems, and what had happened to the shift manager and the district manager (who was still there), they wrote up an incident report which resulted in me not legally allowed to be rostered on to deal with customers during rush periods.
after this I decided to go to the doctor and ask for some advice. My anxiety by this point had gotten so bad that if I went to the video store with my boyfriend and he asked "this movie or that movie" I would freak out and say "I don't know I can't deal with having to make this desicion just choose one and get me out of here."
After talking with the doctor, he suggested I speak with a councilor at my university, but as this appointment was on christmas eve, any appointments would have to wait until I began semester this year. He prescribed me with an anti-anxiety/anti-depressant called Alepam, which I have found helpful, but I am often scared to take it as I am scared I will become addicted to it.

So yeah, I am still awaiting uni to start again this year so I can see someone, and am still trying to work through my anxiety, but am gradually getting to manage the small situations which I am happy about.

Thanks for allowing me to rant
xoxoxoxooxox

That sounds like a terrible experience; I'm sorry :c that was very understanding of your superiors though, and I'm glad you got to keep your job. Don't be afraid to take your medication; if you someday think you've got everything under control, you can wean yourself off of it and be fine. But until then, it gives you "breathing room."

Thanks for being understanding and for the advice