Nothing interesting, really

Well, I don't know if it's good place for that but I just need to share my feelings with people... Sorry for all mistakes, I'm usually careful with grammar etc. but now I'm not in mood. Anyway I'm just tired of myself, seriously I feel so numb, hopeless and at the same time I'm so angry!
Finally I've meet new people, I came to new school, new class where nobody knows me, where I can become more confident and where I thought I can make friends and forget how shy I am. I was waiting for it for so long and now...I'm acting the same as I did in my old place. I'm still that shy, silent girl who can't talk to anyody because she's afraid of she even don't know what...I want finally act like I want, show my real side and I don't want to waste time as I did. There's so much I want to write but with every word I feel more hopeless. I just want to sit and cry. I really want to talk, have fun like others but I think I want it too much...I'm trying to talk but when I do nobody really hear me. I think it's because I don't want to be listened...I want make friends but I'm too scared of do that...I'm so angry that I'm doing everything to not change myself! Even when I finally say something loud it's usually so stupid that I can't say a word for hours...It doesn't make sense for me. Why do I want to know people and spend time with them if it gives me so much nerves? I just should focus myself on learning and avoid classmates as I did before. But I can't, I want something more. I want to be confident as I've always wanted to be. But even when I have possiblites I can't! I think that I don't have to explain how does it feel...I have one friend, I spend with him all days and it's so much fun. But I know him since I was seven and I wasn't then so much shy. When I was getting closer to new people he always was somebody who connected me with them...I know that if I was with him in class I would have many friends because he would help me with that. I wish I could just say "hello" or start talk about something but I can't chill out...That friend of mine is getting pretty close with his class, I'm happy because of that but I'm jelaous as well. As everytime I see somebody in my class who gets closer. I'm wondering why I can't do that? It's so simple but I'm making troubles. As always. Some people are trying to make friends with me but I think that they don't really like me, I still can't get closer to them I really want to but I can't! It pisses me off so much! I thought that becoming class president (I don't know if it's right translation but who cares) would be great opportunity to get more confidence and it could just force me to not being such neutral person as I now hate to be but... I'm afraid. Tomorrow I'll met them all again and won't have idea how to talk to them...I tought of making some Facebook account but you know...people. I don't like them but I really want to have fun with them. Silly, isn't it?
Now I'm feeling so freaking bad, so scaried and sad. I don't want to be such kind of person, I don't want to write such things but I don't do anything to make it come true...Maybe I don't want it much enough? Or I just know that it's impossible for me? I think I should just let it go but even when I try leave it be I can stop my shyness and everything...
Why can't I be like others? I'm just hurting myself with hope that I can live with people but I'm doing everything to destroy bounds with them...
So...I thought that it'll help if I write it but it didn't. I just don't know what to do...and even if I would I wouldn't do anything. As always.
Ok, thanks for reading that epic long shit and sorry for wrong category/ waste of your time.