Going to Parties

I know I don't really post much at all here but I need to get this out of my head and I thought of this forum.
My dorm is having this party thing down the hall and all day I've been thinking about it. The party is in like 2 minutes and I'm sitting here trying to talk myself into going even though I know its just going to be just another spoiled evening and I probably wont have any fun but some part of me wants to yell at that other half and say STFU, I should go and try because even if it turns out bad or I get paniced or w/e I can just leave and go back to my room down the hall and no harm done. I just keep thinking how am I going to change if I don't do stuff? OMG I'm going to have a panic attack. I can hear them getting read. I should go and a part of me really wants to and another just feel scared as hell. I hate my anxiety so much. I just want to be a normal person with friends. I really should go even it turns out bad. It's the experience, right? How am I supposed to know anything if I never do anything? Sorry for the run ons and the back and forth stuff. I'm basically word vomitting....

I know exactly where you're coming from. I couldn't count how many times I've had pretty much that exact same fight with myself. I've also done the word vomit thing plenty so no worries. I find even considering going to a party where (I assume) you don't really know anyone to be impressive. Last year I got invited to watch TV or just hang out with these girls down the hall a couple times and my thought process was "That sure would be fun, too bad there's no way I'm going." They pretty quickly decided that my vague acknowledgement of their invitations meant to stop trying.

Did you end up going?

Yes, I went and it was okay. Not a lot of fun but I spoke briefly with a few people and it was an experience that I don't regret. The only thing that bothered me is when they started talking about women and I felt a little left out since I'm gay and haven't told anyone on my floor. Afterwards I did write an email to the Resident Assistant who talks to me sometimes and knows I have anxiety problems. I brought up the fact that I preferred guys over gals in the email. I haven't heard back from him yet and it has me a little worried. Overall though it was great night. I wrote about the experience and my struggle with the whole thing on my tumblr and some of my followers surprised me by giving me advice and stuff. It was a pretty good day. Now if I can make it through the rest of the week is the next challenge.

I feel your pain and frustration.Sorry I don't really have any advice but for me at at least feels better to know that people get you ^^
parties really just make me anxious to leave because if I just try to go to the quietest spot and keep to myself which is both boring and depressing if someone comes over to me and says, "why are you just sitting there? why don't you enjoy yourself?" or something like that.

I'm glad you managed to push through and go and have a good time